late night ramblings

to the one who feels like she should have spoken louder
she should have said no more clearly
who still holds a slight belief
that it might have been
her fault
who stands in the shower years later trying to wash away
the shame
trying to feel clean
even though the clean feeling
it never comes
and she's left feeling
dirty
why can't she get over it
why can't she just move on and believe that
she is more than what once happened
i hear you. i am you.

to the wife who cringes at her husband's touch
who never knows when
that feeling from the past
will come back and take over
and the fear will make her cower away
and then the shame comes in
and she's left crying and feeling
guilty and alone
like she'll never be enough
it isn't his fault
he deserves better
she doesn't love herself
so how could he possibly love her
why can't she get over it
why can't the past be the past
why can't she move on and trust
and believe that the love is real
i hear you. i am you.

to the mother that desperately wants children
but dreads the exams
and the birth of childbirth
who cringes at the feeling of her newborn being laid on her chest
that just wants it off
wasn't nine months enough
my body
my body
the one who chooses not to breastfeed because she can't stand
not being in control
having no control over her body
letting another human grab at her as it pleases
feeling helpless again
why can't she just get over it
why can't she just move on and nourish her child
rather than feeling the guilt
that she can't do the one thing she was created to do
i hear you. i am you.

for the one that enters the doors of the church
the place she has always called her home
to do the the thing she loves
only to be told that she's a risk
that because of the thing that once was done
not by her choice
she can't fulfill her calling
suddenly the sanctuary doesn't seem so safe anymore
suddenly the cross seems more like a wall than a bridge
suddenly everything changes and
who can she even trust anymore
why can't she just get over it
why can't she just move on with her life and follow her dreams
rather than feeling marked and dirty sitting in the back row
she slips out
nobody notices
maybe its easier to walk alone when you're broken
i hear you. i am you.