Sarah Claire's Birth Story

We had a baby!

Sarah Claire decided to make her entrance into the world about four weeks early, so we've spent the last two weeks snuggling with a cute baby that squeaks and hiccups. I decided it was about time to write out her birth story, but that's where things get interesting. You see, I don't really remember my child's birth thanks to a mixture of preeclampsia and a lovely drug called Magnesium Sulfate (it's not really all that lovely). So, with some help from my husband and looking through pictures that I have no memory of being taken...the birth story.

It all started on a Saturday.

I was having contractions (nothing new about that- I'd been having Braxton Hicks since I was about 6 weeks pregnant) that were starting to pick up in intensity and becoming closer together (about 5 an hour) along with a terrible headache. When I called the birthing center on base where I received my prenatal care, they were a bit worried about the headache, so they told us to come on in and get checked out. While I was there, we ruled out preterm labor, but my blood pressure was on the high side, so I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and told to come back on Monday for a Non-Stress Test (which come to find out can be pretty stressful).

That Monday, T and I went to base for my NST. We planned on it being a pretty short event- it was supposed to take about 20 minutes, then we would be on our way and I'd hang out on base while T went to class. We joked about the baby deciding to come that day, since it was February 29th and she'd probably like to be dramatic with her entrance. The test went fine, but as I started to get up, I got really dizzy and my headache got worse, so they took me over to Labor and Delivery for observation to see if we could figure things out. We decided it was probably a migraine, probably not preeclampsia, possibly allergies...but they kept me overnight, just in case. I went home, still with a terrible headache that wasn't really controlled by medication, but we thought that the worst of it was over. I was having a bit of anxiety and overwhelmed feelings, so my mom decided that she would come up for a few days and see if a short visit helped these feelings. She got into town on Wednesday night, and that's when things got interesting.

Early Thursday morning, I began experiencing more contractions. I waited a few hours, but they weren't going away, so I decided to wake T and we went in to Labor and Delivery again. I woke my mom and told her that she could just stay home, because I was 99.9% sure that this was a false alarm...but my anxieties just needed to make sure that everything was okay.

It wasn't.

Once again, it wasn't my contractions that were alarming- it was my blood pressure. This time, my blood pressure was in the 160s-180s (we think- I don't actually remember too much from this point onward, so I'm depending on my husband for the details) so I immediately was placed on magnesium, a terrible horrible catheter was inserted (seriously- it was a traumatic experience- it took three people ten minutes to figure out what they were doing), and since I was only 35 weeks 5 days (and shy of the 36 week mark that they require to deliver on base), I was sent downtown to a larger hospital with a NICU. I'm told that I accidentally kicked a full bird colonel when he lightly touched my knee to tell me that it would all be okay and that they'd take great care of me down at Miami Valley- my reflexes were pretty active.

An ambulance ride later (in the snow, of course), we settled in at our new hospital and I was told that not only were they trying to get my blood pressure down- they were also going to start inducing labor and we would not leave the hospital without a baby. I don't think I grasped the seriousness of the situation (and I wouldn't until about a week later when I finally got my wits about me again, got off of magnesium, and talked to my mom about everything). Apparently, I was in the L&D ICU, but I was pretty out of it (as I've mentioned many times). Over the course of three days, I think that we tried just about every single induction method. It was terrible. I felt terrible. Everything hurt and no progress was being made. Finally on Saturday, we started to see little bits of progress and they broke my water. Sometime that day, I got an epidural (which kind of worked, but I still felt things that I wasn't supposed to feel...). I began to get increasingly frustrated and begged for a c-section- I just wanted it to be over, because it was a miserable experience. Over and over again, the doctors and nurses urged me to give it "just a little longer", telling me that a vaginal delivery would be less painful and the recovery would be easier.

And then things began to happen very very fast. 

At one check I was a seven.

Then, things got very very painful and urges to push this baby out right now happened.

Forty minutes after hearing that I was a seven, I was a ten and the baby was coming.

Fifteen minutes and two contractions later at 12:27 AM on March 6th, 2016 (Sunday), our Sarah Claire entered the world.

I was very worried.
Many of the doctors that I had seen had told me that most likely Sarah would be going to the NICU after she was born. She didn't cry as she entered the world and as T would tell you, she looked quite gray and alien-like (I'm sparing you guys the pictures mostly because she's nakkie and I don't think she'd appreciate me showing the internet those things, but also because it's kind of creepy seeing your baby look that drugged up). She was a little slower to "wake up" as I'd been on magnesium for several days, but eventually she gained some color and even scored a 7 on her five minute Apgar. Our 5 lb 11 oz, 36 weeker surprised everyone by not going to the NICU- she actually did much better than her Mommy (who we think hemorrhaged during labor based on blood loss and what the doctors were doing...but I guess I was at a pretty awesome hospital for delivery, because I didn't have to have a blood transfusion and the doctors stayed pretty calm through it all).

 I was kept on magnesium for 24 hours after birth, and then monitored for 24 additional hours to see how my blood pressure did. My mom stayed with me for many of these hours as T was in the midst of finals and final projects (we like to say that Sarah picked the absolute worst week of the semester to come). Even off of the magnesium, I still don't remember much of Sunday or Monday. I was very swollen from all of the fluids, so I was stuck in a hospital gown for much of the time as none of my clothes fit. I remember being weighed on the Sunday morning after I delivered and weighing 189 pounds- I weighed about 180 the week before at my Non-Stress Test- and that was after delivering the baby and all of that jazz. There was that much fluid on me.

Finally, on Tuesday morning, we got to go HOME!

 Of course, the "excitement" doesn't end there.

After one night at home, I was back in the hospital (this time on base). On Wednesday afternoon, I had a blood pressure check (which of course I failed...). Apparently doctors don't like when you are about 4 days postpartum and the upper number is in the 160s and the bottom number is in the 90s-100s. Who knew.

After another night on magnesium (I really really hate that stuff, even if I did kind of save my life) two lasix treatments, and peeing out EIGHT LITERS of fluid overnight...my blood pressure went down (though I'm still on meds for it), I was much much less swollen, and I felt much better (as in, I could walk and wear shoes and pants). We went out to Panera on the way home to celebrate finally being free from the hospital life. As an added bonus, at my next blood pressure check that Friday, not only was my blood pressure good- my weight had decreased to about five pounds short of my prepregnancy weight- yes, apparently fluid can weigh that much.

At two weeks postpartum, I'm feeling pretty good. My mom has gone home, my husband is on break, and my baby girl is pretty awesome (though she'd be more awesome if she'd quit messing up her days and nights). All in all, we are blessed. Things could have gone so much differently- we could be making trips downtown over the break to visit Sarah in the NICU, but instead we get to snuggle her in her arms. Even though preeclampsia wrecked my birth plans and things turned out wildly different than I imagined it would go (and probably scared me off from having any more babies), I survived and didn't suffer too much irreparable damage- my doctor even says I might be off the blood pressure meds by 6 weeks postpartum. Even T got something good out of it all- with all of the waiting at hospitals, he's apparently caught all of the Pokemon- gotta catch em all, I guess. ;)

And that is the story of how Sarah Claire P entered the world. 

(I think)

2015: Year in Review

Yes, I know- it's February. I know that this post comes about a month late (I'm blaming THAT on pregnancy brain), but in an effort to try and maintain some semblance of the blog that I'm imagining in my head that I want this to be, I'm doing my "annual" year-in-review post where I share pictures of the big events from the past year in an attempt to be able to look back later when I'm old and gray and remember the happy memories.

In February, we celebrated our first Valentine's Day, and I spent a few days in the hospital trying to figure out what my body was doing.

In March, we got MARRIED and went on our Honeymoon in Atlanta (speaking of which....did I ever blog THAT either??!).

In April, Easter happened.

I don't think anything happened in May, but lots happened in June!

We put our house on the market (and it still hasn't sold....)

And we took a trip to Texas to visit T's family!

In July, we visited Ohio for the first time and looked for a place to live.

And we adopted Yoda and I turned 25...

And we found out that we were pregnant!

August continued the theme of busy....we MOVED to Ohio!

In September, we visited the Air Force Museum at Wright-Patt...

and then we saw Taylor Swift in Columbus! 

In October, we found out that we were having a baby GIRL!

In November, we decided that pregnancy and one puppy weren't enough...so we added our somewhat-sweet Lucy to the family!

And in December, we celebrated our first married Christmas!

When I look back at all of these pictures, I realize that we had quite the busy year in 2015! Lots of adventures, fun, and laughter...and lots more to come in the rest of 2016! Marriage, travels, a puppy, a pregnancy, a move, another puppy....it was a busy year. If you made it through all of these pictures and ramblings, congrats- it was a lot, even for me! Here's to 2016!

Preparing for Baby: Freezer Meal Prep

One of the big things that I've read on Pinterest to do before baby was to prepare some freezer meals for after baby decides to come. To be totally honest, we've been using some of the meals I prepared already- I definitely think that it would be good to get an early start on these meals, the third trimester is tiring enough and it seems like the last thing that I want to do is cook a meal- yet it is still important to me that I get nutrients in for my baby, so "healthy" meals are a must!

After we got married and before I got pregnant, I was doing really good at meal planning and fixing dinner and trying to get a variety of foods, new and old, into our dinner rotation. Then, we got pregnant, morning sickness hit and it all went downhill from there. Cooking was no longer something I enjoyed, frankly, it made me nauseous most of the time with the smells and all of the standing. For the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, it seemed like all I wanted to eat was potatoes- especially the fried variety. T was in charge of most of the cooking, which meant we had freezer pizza quite often, or we went out to eat. Budgeting and couponing went out the window- it was more of a "let's try to survive this thing". Now that I'm in "nesting" mode though, I suddenly want to cook all of the foods- or at least do some prep work so that we have yummy food to eat after baby. Trying to find meal ideas that appeal to my particularly picky appetite, that can somewhat fit various exchanges, and still fill my husband up can be quite difficult- but we've found a few recipes that "work" for us and our situation.

For my first freezer meal prep, I fixed four different meals: Lemon-Pesto Chicken, Creamy Italian Chicken, Chicken Fajitas, and Asian Chicken Quesadillas. T cooked up a couple pounds of ground beef for us to freeze (so it would be easy to pull out, thaw, and make tacos/spaghetti sauce/whatever out of). A few notes from my prep:

• Sam's Club had an awesome deal on boneless, skinless chicken breasts- so we bought that there- everything else we gathered from Meijer or we already had around the apartment (I have a bit of an obsession with stocking up on Cream of Chicken soup...). 
• The Asian Chicken Quesadillas were the only recipe that used cooked chicken- everything else was a "dump all the ingredients in a plastic bag, label, and freeze". 
• I split each of the meals between three gallon sized ziplock bags (except for the Lemon-Pesto chicken...that one made four), which seems to have worked well for us- we usually have a serving left over (I'd say that each bag is equivalent to three or four servings, it seems as if the hubs eats for two).  
• Label BEFORE putting stuff in baggies. I make sure to write what the recipe is, the date it was prepared, and instructions (I also have a file on my computer with info, since some of it does rub off). 
• We ended up spending about $50 for 13 freezer meals.

And now for the recipes! To be totally honest, I'm not sure that the amount of chicken in these recipes is exactly what we used- we bought about 15 pounds of chicken total and didn't use it all. I didn't weigh things out, I just kind of looked at the amount of stuff in the bag and added chicken- hubs likes his meals meat-heavy. :) I'm including how much the original recipe recommends below, just for suggestion. Also, I'm giving our opinion on the meal! 

Lemon-Pesto Chicken:

This one wasn't my favorite- I probably won't eat it again. But, hubs liked it. It just didn't have enough flavor for me.

Ingredients: 5 lbs chicken breasts (uncooked), 2 cups pesto, 1/2 cup lemon juice, will need 1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella cheese when you cook

Split between 4 bags, and mush everything together, "mush" everything together to get all of the spices incorporated into the chicken.

To prepare: Thaw overnight. Place in 9x13 dish, cover with foil, and cook for 25-30 min. Sprinkle 1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella cheese on top of chicken and bake for 5-10 more min. Serve with rice or pasta.

Creamy Italian Chicken:

Yes, yes, YES! We BOTH loved this one! Served with rice, its a pretty good chicken and rice and was super easy due to it being a crockpot meal. We will definitely have this again. I've come across a version that was exactly the same except they used a ranch packet- we might try that next time!

Ingredients: 8 chicken breasts (uncooked), 16 oz cream cheese (softened), 2 cans cream of chicken soup, 2 Italian dressing packets (the dry mix kind)

Split between 3 bags, and mush everything together, "mush" everything together to get all of the spices incorporated into the chicken.

To prepare: Pour contents into crockpot and cook for 4-6 hours on low, or place in baking dish and cook at 350 for 30 min. Serve over rice.

Chicken Fajitas:

We've been making this for ages, so I knew we'd like it. Sometimes we add onions, sometimes we don't- it just depends what we have available. I thought we had half an onion that was still good, but it was growing something, so we didn't add it.

Ingredients: 4 chicken breasts (uncooked), 2 green peppers, 1 cup chicken broth, 1 taco seasoning packet, 1 fajita seasoning packet

Split between 3 bags, and mush everything together, "mush" everything together to get all of the spices incorporated into the chicken.

To prepare: Pour contents into crockpot and cook on high for 3-4 hours or low for 6-8 hours. Serve with tortillas.

Asian Chicken Quesadillas:

Another one of our old favorites! This recipe was one I learned to make in treatment and it's not a freezer meal, so I wasn't sure how it would convert- but I'm pleased to report that it freezes wonderfully! It's a great, healthy meal that meets lots of exchanges and has yummy veggies, too!

Ingredients: 2 lbs diced or shredded chicken (cooked), 3/4 cup shredded carrots, 3/4 cup snow peas, 3 cups shredded Colby Jack cheese, 1 cup Asian Sesame dressing (I always add extra- it makes it easier to mix).

Mix all of ingredients in a large bowl and split between 3-4 smaller ziplock bags (quart). I normally freeze all of these bags in a larger bag with the instructions and information.

To prepare: Thaw overnight. Place mixture into the center of tortilla. Fold and brush with oil. Bake for 10 min at 400.

Bumpdate: 20 Weeks

Heyyyy....so we haven't done a bumpdate around here in awhile. 
We had our anatomy scan today, and baby girl looks nice and healthy. We confirmed that Baby P is indeed a girl, so we also are announcing our name!

Since we had been so set on the idea that Baby P was a boy (up until 15 weeks), we didn't really have a great girl name picked out. Eliza Beth was our original girl name, but we both started feeling that baby wasn't really an Eliza (and it sounded a little old lady-ish), so after considering a few names, we settled on Sarah Claire, and we both love and adore it, and it fits our little fireball quite well. She's definitely a princess, and has brought much bright and joy to our lives. :) Some other names we considered and ruled out (for this pregnancy, at least) were Mary Catherine (too Catholic for my Baptist husband- my fault for mentioning that it was after my two favorite saints...), Emily (someone dated an Emily in the past and messed up my baby girl name from childhood), Lily (I think I was the only one that liked this one), Kara, Tamera, and Kelly (those last three were ALL Travis)...and a few more that I haven't totally ruled out using for future babies. :)

And an updated bump picture would go here, but to be totally honest, I don't have an updated bump picture...so...here's a picture from 17/18 weeks (so, about 2 weeks ago). I'm pretty sure I look pretty much the same.

How far along: 20 weeks! (Yay, we are HALFWAY there!)

Size of baby: A banana. Somewhere around 10 inches. She now weighs 12 oz, and she's got ridiculously long legs that are measuring 2 weeks ahead.  

Sleep: When I'm not fighting insomnia, back pain, or trying to figure out a way to sleep on my side...I'm sleeping quite well. :)

Symptoms: Super tired. My husband would say I'm moody and I cry all the time over nothing. My back hurts so bad. If I sit or lay the wrong way, I get dizzy. And then, there's the fact that I have Little Miss Leggy kicking me everywhere. :)

Cravings: Does water count as a craving? I'm all about the ice water right now.

Gender: She's definitely a GIRL! We got a pretty clear shot at today's ultrasound- so unless she's super sneaky, we're 99.999% sure we're having a little miss. 

Maternity clothes: Yep. The only thing comfortable right now is leggings and tunics...so that it is. And pajama pants.

Miss anything?: For the first time this pregnancy...not really. Not pregnancy related, anyways. I miss Alabama something terrible.

Best moment this week: Our anatomy ultrasound today! We got to see all of the parts and systems of Baby P, and hear that she's healthy and growing! 

Looking forward to: 1 month from now reaching viability (24 weeks)- it's our next big milestone. :) 

Dear NP, I'm Breaking Up With You

Dear Prenatal Nurse Practitioner that belittles my pains and complaints at every appointment,

I understand that you deal with many pregnant patients day in and day out. I'm trying to see your point of view when you dismiss my nausea (that still hasn't completely gone away at 18 weeks), or my concern with my blood work, or one of fifty other complaints that I brought up at the appointment that you told me was "normal". In your mind, in your training, in your world- it probably is. Those twinges and cramps are just my uterus growing to make room for baby. My excessive tiredness is fine, because once again- I'm growing a baby and in a few months, I'm going to be wishing for these naps. But, can I explain my point of view to you? Can I try to recreate the world in my mind that is the reason that I'm worried about these issues?

My chart should tell you that I have an anxiety disorder- what it doesn't tell you is what that means, or the fact that I've had one since the day I was born. This anxiety monster that lives in my brain makes me assume the worst in every twinge, every symptom. Yes, the rational side of my mind will try and reassure the other side by asking "Self, isn't this a completely normal part of pregnancy?". But, most of the time, I'm too tired to fight, too tired to listen. So, that twinge becomes cramping which leads to a miscarriage which leads to a dead baby. That headache becomes a brain aneurysm. The migraine combined with back pain becomes preeclampsia.

What my chart doesn't tell you is that I know the pain of miscarriage all too well, even though I've never personally had one. You may see that this is my first pregnancy- that much is true. But, I've seen many women that I love suffer through the pain of losing a child. I've loved a child that was carried within someone else's womb, only to have to hear that the child was gone. I've loved children that were born prematurely, that had to spend months and months in the NICU, fighting various complications. Miscarriage and prematurity are a part of a "normal" pregnancy in my mind- thus, I fear them greatly. Even at 18 weeks, I'm still afraid to get too attached to the baby that I'm carrying inside of my, afraid that it could be taken from me at any moment.

What my chart doesn't tell you is that I'm a scared 25 year old newlywed that moved 600 miles from the only home that she's ever really known three months ago, at 7 weeks pregnant. My chart doesn't tell you how hard of a time that I'm having adjusting to life in Ohio. It doesn't tell you how my anxiety makes it hard for me to make friends. It doesn't tell you how much I'm struggling with being a military wife, being thrust into a whole new world. It doesn't tell you about the adjustment issues that I'm having from moving away from the town that I knew as home. It doesn't tell you how hard of a time that I'm having that I can't just go over to my mom and dad's house and ask my mom, "Is this normal?" and hear her tell me honestly a yes or no. It doesn't tell you how hard it is to have to share these pregnancy milestones and first kicks through Facetime, rather than in person. It doesn't tell you about all of the times that I've laid in bed with my husband crying over the fact that I "just wish things could go back to how they were before we moved". I'm new to the military lifestyle- I don't think I really understood what being a military wife was until we PCSed in August.

What can you do? 

You can offer me grace and compassion. I'm begging you to stop just telling me that everything is normal, and show me actual tests and lab work that prove that it's normal. I need to see concrete evidence that everything is normal. The first two doctors that I saw in the ER this pregnancy and the OB in L&D got this- I'm a nervous, anxious first time mom, you can't win me over with false promises- I need evidence, I need proof. I get it- this takes time. But, don't tell me that there's not a way to make this work- I've seen multiple doctors that pressed forward and offered me compassion in these situation and found ways to make it work. The ER doctor that pulled out the ultrasound and showed me that my baby was okay, and explained that his wife was the same way with their first child. The L&D doctor that went through the process of measuring my cervix, even though all signs pointed to everything being "fine"- just to give me some proof that it was indeed "fine". I get that you've had two children- that's great. But, please don't play the role of Super Preggo with me- it's fine if you didn't have issues, or if you pressed through and persevered through them with no worries- that doesn't mean I don't.

(Oh- and you can quit telling me horror stories of babies born to moms that took Zofran. I told you, I've done my research, weighed the risks, and I feel that it is perfectly appropriate- given that the alternative is puking up my guts all the time. Just because you were Super Preggo and you didn't need medication and you were able to go all natural, doesn't mean that I have to or want to.)

That's why I'm breaking up with you, NP. That's why I'm valuing myself and my complaints and standing up to say that enough is enough and asking for a different provider at my next appointment. I was afraid to ask, for fear that you might "get mad at me" or something crazy like that (blame the anxiety disorder). But, when I think about it, I realize that it wouldn't be my problem- that would be on you. I'm standing up with confidence and proclaiming that I'm worth quality prenatal care and I have a right to ask for someone that respects me. I'm realizing that I'm worth it.

It's a...

It's a...

GIRL!!!

I completely spaced and forgot to post over here on the blog the results of our gender ultrasound/reveal! For some reason, I remembered to call family and post on Instagram and Facebook...but never posted the results over here! Haha, preggo brain= preggo problems. Thanks Adam for the comment to remind me, otherwise it might have been April and the baby being born before I posted over here! 

Yoda's a little uncertain of what he's going to do with the baby sister that he's getting for his birthday (yes, our due date falls right around Yoda's first birthday AND April Fool's Day!). We were pretty surprised and uncertain of what we might do with a girl child as well...we've been calling the baby a "he" since we found out- we were that convinced it was a boy, but God had other plans. :) I love how those kinds of things work out. After wrapping our heads around the idea that we had a baby girl growing inside, we've gotten quite excited about the idea of a girl! Little Miss is already cracking us up- the other night we discovered "Rockabye Baby" (pop songs redone in lullaby form) and she had us cracking up at how much she would dance when she liked a song (her current favorites are "Gold Digger" and "Don't Stop Believin'"- I'm not sure her daddy likes the idea of her being a gold digger all that much, and I'm questioning our parenting skills already- bring on the PraiseBaby). Right now, little one is enjoying using my bladder as a trampoline and enjoys sticking her head in my side and my back, both of which are quite painful and lead to me doing all sorts of jumping around to get her to move. :)

We have picked a name and are 99.9% sure on it (we had a name picked out before the ultrasound, but after about a week of calling our wee one that name, we decided it just didn't fit/we didn't really like it...so we've moved on to our NEW NAME that we love and adore and we can't wait to yell at our kid across the playground). Right now, we have shared it with family, but we're planning on waiting for the "official" 20 week ultrasound in November to get a second look at our baby girl and make sure she is really a she before we announce the name. That is- if this super impatient preggo can manage to wait that long/can go that long without slipping up. :) 

We're 16 weeks and 5 days today. We reach 17 weeks on Saturday. I can't believe how far we've made it with our little blessing. We are so close to being halfway there. I'm constantly in awe of how some people don't consider the little life growing inside of me to be a life. I just don't understand how my daughter who jumps and dances, responds to sound, and has precious little fingers and toes isn't considered alive, isn't considered a person. If anything, pregnancy has made me even more pro-life- which is hard to comprehend since I was already so so so prolife! :) 

Boots or Bows...soon we will know!

Due to this whole "it's-October-and-I'm-overwhelmed-and-tired-and-pregnant-and-struggling-with-antenatal-depression/anxiety-again" thing, I'm putting 31 Days of Prayer on the back burner. Is prayer something I'm still going to work on? Yes! But, this whole blogging every single day thing was exhausting and overwhelming last time I did it (and I didn't get all 31 days done then either), and it's stressing me out that I'm so behind, so I'm reminding myself that it's about #gracenotperfection and taking a step back. I still want to blog some about prayer, butI just need to take some time for my own sanity and remember that last time I pre-planned every blog post and this time I'm pregnant and overwhelmed, and that I don't have to do this whole #write31days thing to be the best blogger on the block, and that I don't really even need to be the best blogger on the block. I blog for myself, my family, to preserve memories, and to spread the light of Jesus to the world- not for notoriety, not for anyone else- just me and God. :)

Tonight, T and I will *hopefully* find out if Baby P is a boy or a girl! We say "hopefully", because baby does like to cross his/her legs a lot during ultrasounds, and we're only almost 15 weeks. I keep getting asked by people questions like "What do you think it is?" or "What are you hoping for?". To be honest, we think it's a baby, but we're hoping it's a velociraptor. :) Kidding.

We've had a gut feeling that it was a baby boy since the very beginning- we've had dreams, I've had symptoms, we just kept calling it a "he". We aren't "hoping" for anything more than a baby though. We would be so blessed with either a baby boy OR a baby girl- and we'll love them no matter what they are. If the baby is a girl, she'll have two girl cousins to love her and play with her when we visit. If the baby's a boy, I've got a little brother that's dying to teach him how to play football. It's a win-win situation, really.  While we're praying for God's protection over this precious child- we will love our child even if it is born with a health condition or disability. Our love for this child isn't dependent on its gender, health status, or anything else- we will love this child, simply because it is our child. We will follow the example that was given to us by our Father God- He loves us despite who we are- He loves us simply because we are His. Both T and I come from amazing, loving families that have loved and supported us throughout many endeavors over the years- we plan on following the example of the ones that went before us, and doing the same with our precious children.

But, in the spirit of fun- we decided to play a little game and designed a little poll where YOU can cast your vote on what YOU think Baby P is! Go here to vote, and we'll be announcing on social media (and a post on here!) when we find out! Here's some tips that might help you decide!

1st Trimester Bumpdate

I had really great intentions, really great plans, to blog my pregnancy. 

I mean, I was going to be all about the weekly belly pictures, in the same space, in the same shirt, at the same time each week...but that fell apart fairly quickly. To be completely honest, my 10 week and 11 week bump pictures are from the day before the week switches (Friday)...and well, week 12 is actually from 11 weeks 6 days, but I realized that I never took one for week 12, so it's going to have to work.

I also had great intentions of doing weekly "bumpdates" on the blog with updates on how I'm sleeping/eating/feeling...but to be honest, this pregnancy has been terrible and unenjoyable on the health side, so that didn't really happen. For weeks, I've counted down to the magical "Week 13"- the week when the morning sickness is supposed to subside, when I'm supposed to be happy and energetic, when *I thought* the 2nd Trimester began (it doesn't by the way- that's the END of week 13). To be totally honest, I'm still sick all the time, I sleep like 20 out of 24 hours a day, I'm really only able to keep down potato products, and I still feel terrible 100% of the time. On a frequent basis, I comment to T that if this is how pregnancy goes, this will be our last biological child, and we will be adopting the rest. I am just not made out for this 27/7 sickness. Sorry to be whiney- I know that being pregnant is a blessing, a blessing that I prayed for months about. It is hard sometimes to be thankful in the middle of it all, though. I keep telling myself that it will be worth it, that I'm creating another life, that I should be thankful...but it is rough sometimes. I did think it would be fun to do a bumpdate with the questions that I answered at 6 weeks, but this is really more of a 12 week update. I didn't feel like taking a belly picture or thinking about how I feel today, but today DOES mark 13 weeks! 

Sleep: Sleeping....all the time! As my body is beginning to grow and stretch, sleep is getting more and more uncomfortable. My daily schedule normally involves waking up around 9 for breakfast, napping until 1, eating something for lunch, napping until 4, spending a few minutes with T when he gets home from school, napping until 6, dinner, napping until 9, night snack/time with T, bed by 11. I live the life of a baby or an old person...I'm honestly not even sure who I am anymore. When I have appointments, the schedule changes, but at that point, I'm just even more exhausted because I've missed out on napping.

Nausea Meds: Each time I wake up for a meal/snack, I normally take a Benadryl and a Zofran, and that sometimes helps the nausea. I'm also on Diclegis, which I take at night, but I don't feel like it does anything at all. I've kind of had to come up with my own treatment method- the perinatal center
is fairly confused by my nausea. All signs point towards some type of hypermesis, but since I am able to keep some things down, and I haven't lost the magical amount of weight, and they don't really know how to handle the whole HG thing, I feel pretty alone. Several online forums suggested Benadryl, and that seems to be what handles the nausea best- it's not my doctor's advice, but the NP and midwife *feel* like I should only be on Diclegis (it's a pain in the face to get a Zofran script, I have to get the "deformed baby" talk each time) and I *shouldn't* be nauseous...so Dr. Google it is. I guess that's what I get with free healthcare. Thanks Tricare.

Symptoms: Nausea. Tiredness. Everything hurts because it's being stretched.

Cravings: Waffle Fries from Chickfila are a big one. Potatoes in just about any form- baked, french fries, chips....I can't get enough of salty potatoes.

Gender: It's still to early to find out, but T and I both think it's a boy. I'm starting to have thoughts that it might be a girl though. We are planning on an elective ultrasound at 14-15 weeks to find out the gender- I can't wait!

Maternity clothes: There are a few pairs of pre-preggo pants I can wear unbuttoned with a belly band. I'm about to outgrow my yoga pants, and I didn't even know that was possible. Shirts have to be stretchy or oversized or worn with a belly band, otherwise it's maternity. Dresses...let's not even go there. It's depressing. Only maternity ones fit anymore. It's actually quite humorous. 

Miss anything?: Everything. Sleep. Being able to eat without throwing up. Being able to poop like a normal person. Being able to bend down without a) throwing up or b)getting stuck down there. Being able to go grocery shopping without having to stop to catch my breath, stop because I'm dizzy, or stop to sit down. Being able to go grocery shopping. Having energy.

Best moment this week: Hearing baby's heartbeat at the 12 week checkup at the clinic! 

Looking forward to: Not being sick anymore.

Great. This seems really depressing.
I promise I'm not depressed. Actually, mood wise, I've been the best I've been in awhile thanks to an awesome med change (those are needed every once in awhile!). It's mostly just being sick of being sick. Sick of feeling ignored by my doctors. Sick of being told that I "shouldn't" feel this sick...meh. Hopefully week 13 brings some relief.

Bumpdate: 6 Weeks

So, we've now settled in at a "comfortable"...6 weeks and 3 days. That's not to say that the last 2 weeks haven't been filled with much anxiety. Being that this is my first pregnancy, I have no idea what is normal. I find myself asking my Mom and Dr. Google way too many questions (Note to self: Mom is a better resource. Dr. Google will convince me I have cancer and I'm dying and my baby is a dinosaur). Since the very very early days, I've had lots of nausea, fatigue, and abdominal pains/stretching. To be completely honest, it's been completely terrible. Why did nobody tell me how horrible the first trimester is? I've told T multiple times through this pregnancy already that we are never ever having another baby and we are going to just have to stop at one and adopt the rest because I can't deal with this morning night all day sickness. I mean, I've heard morning sickness was bad...but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I didn't imagine that I'd spend my days in bed, subsisting on a diet of saltine crackers and gatorade. The first week after I found out, the anxieties that I'd been struggling with for months and months seemed to disappear....well, I'm a super emotional wreck now and all I can seem to do is worry about the baby. I'm trying to remember that God has a plan for whatever happens, and that he and my loved ones will be with me every step of the way...but this whole pregnancy thing is a giant leap of faith. I didn't get what pregnancy and being "with child" really meant during the whole trying to conceive process. Honestly, I don't think I really realized just how much this baby was going to change our lives.

I'd been waiting to do a "bumpdate" until we saw Baby P on the ultrasound. Even though I believe deep down in my heart that Baby P IS a baby...it can still be difficult to allow myself to love the life inside of me, when all is not certain that everything will be okay. After a midafternoon ER visit because we thought the pregnancy might be ectopic and an early dating ultrasound at the OB- we now know that there is a baby, he/she measures right on track, and baby has firmly implanted itself into my uterus. So, I'm going to go ahead and cautiously begin these updates. I don't want to look back in regret that I didn't record these early days with the baby.

How far along: 6 weeks

Size of baby: A lentil? (which is quite scary since last time I ate lentils, I had an anaphylactic reaction and ended up in the ER...so saying that Baby P is the size of a sweet pea sounds so much...sweeter!)

Sleep: Very very little. While I am nauseated most of the day, I spend the night getting up to pee and throw up--maybe it should be called Night Sickness. Add in the fact that our puppy is still being trained and likes to bark in the night and that the movers have come to get our stuff so we are sleeping on air mattresses- and you have one VERY tired preggo.

Symptoms: Nausea. Tired- ALL THE TIME...I could sleep all day (if I had a real bed, that is). Crying for no good reason. Crying for any good reason. Aches and pains everywhere....and I just hear that it's just going to get worse and that makes me cry some more.

Cravings: Salty things, especially chips! Sweet things hold no appeal at all to me (which is strange for this sweet tooth!)- except those frosted sprinkle cookies that they sell in the bakery at WalMart- those are an exception. I eat way too many a day. Other than that- no sweets, not even cupcakes. The thought of cupcakes slightly nauseates me....and that just seems wrong for this sparkly cupcake princess.

Gender: Too early to find out! But, T and I both have this strong feeling that Baby P is a boy. 

Maternity clothes: Some- mostly because they are so much more comfortable with all of this bloating (I know that it's not the baby yet, and it's just bloating). The bloating never really went away after recovery before I got pregnant, so it can be very uncomfortable. At least now I don't feel like I have to hide my belly and the bloat...I'm pregnant and proud! :) I already didn't have any jeans that fit- so adding a belly band and maternity jeans to the mix seemed like a good idea.

Miss anything?: My heating pads! I'm so used to using them to fight the nausea that I've fought for months- I'm sad to lose them. Oh, and Advil, Benadryl, Sudafed, and Ativan. This walking pharmacy might lose it over the next nine months.

Best moment this week: Seeing Baby P on the ultrasound! I mean, Baby P wasn't really visible (it was at 5 weeks 5 days), but this early, you wouldn't expect him to be. :)

Looking forward to: Our follow up OB appointment this Thursday (right before we move) to see how Baby P is growing and if we can *fingers crossed* see a heartbeat! 

Why I Believe in Early Pregnancy Announcements

I've been peeing on sticks like a crazy lady, and I finally got the two pink lines last weekend. I know what you are thinking- why are you sharing this pregnancy this early? Why would you announce a pregnancy that isn't past the first trimester, the first twelve weeks, I mean- at least wait until the ultrasound. I know the risks of announcing our bundle of joy this early- there is the chance that something could happen and I'd have to share my grief with the world. But, let's get real here- that's what I do. I believe in sharing my story, sharing it wholeheartedly, and being vulnerable. That's how I do life- so wouldn't that be how I do pregnancy?

We are early- possibly very very early. According to my estimates, I should be around 4-8 weeks. When I went to my PCM on Monday, they only did the simple pee test, so I have no clue how my hormones are going or exactly how far along I am. But- between the positive tests, nausea, constant peeing, fatigue, this weird stretching stuff- I feel confident that we are indeed brewing a baby- even if it is early. Morning sickness (or all day sickness, as we refer to it around here) has been in full force, and looking back, it's been around for at least two weeks.

At first, we held back. We told our parents and our siblings. We swore them to secrecy because "it was early" and anything could happen. But then, I began to feel deeply convicted that I needed to share about this baby, our baby- because it is exactly that- a baby. I mean, I claim to be "ProLife" and feel that the things that Planned Parenthood and abortion clinics are terrible, heinous acts because- "it" isn't just a blob of tissue- "it" is a baby. Yet, I hesitate to announce my own pregnancy to the world, because its "not quite enough of a baby yet". I decided in that moment that I was not going to spend my pregnancy in fear. For, God did not give me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7), and I do not want to make decisions out of fear. I am going to celebrate each moment, each hour, each day, each month, each year that I can with this precious child. Even if God only blesses me with him for a small time, I am going to rejoice in that small amount of time that I get to spend carrying this child. I believe that for all of eternity- I am going to be a mama to this baby. I will always carry this child in my heart- why can I not share him with the world?

1. I believe that life begins at the nanosecond of conception. As the cells multiply, my baby is growing and forming- but it has been a baby all along. A baby is a life, even when it is the size of a poppyseed or a pea. I will honor this life that God has blessed me with by celebrating it each and every step of the way. I believe that God already has given this baby a purpose in its very small life- part of that has been to bring me and T great joy! I want it to be said that from the very beginning, my child's life was worth celebrating.
2. Why should we wait to announce the pregnancy? If I truly believe that this baby is a baby, then why am I buying into the lie that the world tells me that it isn't a life until 12 weeks or 20 weeks?
3. We are so excited and want to share our joy with others. I feel like I have been waiting so so long to be able to be a mama- since I was a wee little girl. We also want to share with others so that they can join us in beginning to pray for this precious life, and the life of our little family. Pray for the baby grow and grow and grow! Pray for the morning sickness. Pray for our family as we prepare to move to a new base that is nine hours away in a few weeks. Pray for T as he deals with my hormones and my complaining. :)

While we are choosing to announce early, I do believe that it is a personal decision. There is no judgement on my part if you choose to wait until the end of the first trimester. Whether you announce at 4 weeks, 12 weeks, 20 weeks, or some other time- it is all about what YOU choose and how God leads you. As for us, I'm a terrible secret keeper combined with my adamant ProLife feelings, so we chose to announce early. I also knew that I wanted a village surrounding me in prayer, so that we could keep the anxieties down and I could be supported through this transition. We are so excited about the coming months ahead- no matter what God brings our way. Yes, the threat of miscarriage scares me sometimes, but I can rest in the fact that no matter what- I've got a God, a husband, and a village that will love and support me every step of the way.