the lie of not enough

I feel like sometimes we like to blame Eve for all of our problems. Sometimes, I think that she's the most hated woman of the Bible. I mean, if it wasn't for her believing that silly little lie from the serpent, we'd still be living in paradise (and we'd have NO pain in childbirth. Seriously Eve, what were you thinking?). We like to blame this women for messing up the world (and causing us to have pain during childbirth...SERIOUSLY EVE. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that one). We blame her for believing the serpent, we like to pretend that we wouldn't have done the exact same thing in that situation, but the truth is...Satan isn't all that creative. He knows that what worked all those years ago can still mess us up big time today. All this time, since the beginning of time, we've been fed the same lie over and over and over and over again. The serpent whispers softly in our ear just like he did to Eve on that day long ago. He seductively dangles a fruit in front of our hungry eyes and lures us away from the truth. He tells us that who we are is not enough. From the days of childhood, he whispers this thought into our ear over and over again. It begins to seem so natural, a part of our inner being that is so engrained, such a part of who we are that we no recognize this fruit as dangerous or harmful. Just like a Pooh Bear being drawn to his pot of Hunny...we're helplessly, hopelessly lured into the trap and we believe the lies.



As little girls, we believe the lie that everyone in this class is better than us. In ballet class, they're better at the pirouettes. At the playground, they're better at the monkey bars. Some other little girl's dress is prettier and more twirly than ours. At a very young age, we begin to compare our bodies and our clothes and we believe this lie that is whispered to us that we are not pretty enough. The belief that we would somehow be a "better" version of ourselves if only we were smarter, faster, taller, smaller begins flicker in our tiny brains, slowly becoming the very center of our thoughts. As we grow older, these lies continue and morph and spin out of our control. In Middle School, we spend hours obsessing over how to tame our frizzy hair, how to paint on a pretty face, how to put up a facade that everyone will fall for. We spend so much time worrying about being smart enough to make the grade, athletic enough to make the team. We base our entire existence on being accepted by this invisible audience. We play a role, dancing and twirling around the stage. We try and we try, but we just end up exhausted, collapsing in a heap in the middle of the stage with the spotlight shining straight on us. And there we lay. Vulnerable. Weary. Overwhelmed. The serpent whispers in our ear "Darling, you will never be enough. God is hiding something from you, you're just not good enough for him. Trust in me, I won't fail you. I won't hide the magic cure from you. Take this fruit...and eat.". And just like Eve, we fall for his trap.

He's an awfully good manipulator. We believe his lies with all of our heart. We live a life of fad diet after fad diet. We restrict what we eat, and punish ourselves when we eat "bad foods". We run after this false ideal of perfection- if I just reach this weight, if I just can wear this pants size, if I can just get noticed by someone...I will be enough. But, the fact of the matter is...nothing you do will ever be "enough". You might reach that goal weight, but the serpent will whisper in your ear "Just five more pounds". You might suddenly be able to squeeze into your "skinny day jeans", but the serpent will whisper to you "You're still not enough. See that muffin top? So unattractive". He'll plant lies into your head:

• If you eat that, you're going to get fat.
• If you get fat, nobody will like you.
• You seriously just ate that? Go throw that up. You know the drill. You don't deserve "it".
• So what if they say you're skinny? Behind your back, they're probably whispering about how ugly and fat you are.
• If you just lose some weight, you'll have more friends.
• You don't fit into this playgroup with all of these pretty, wonderful women.
• You'd look more attractive if you just had a salad for lunch. Real women don't eat.
• If only you were skinny, your husband would love you more. You don't want him to leave you for some other more beautiful woman, do you?
• If people knew about your past, they'd be gone.

LIES. All of them. This serpent that we allow to linger in our lives is a terrible, horrible friend. He's not looking out for our best interests. He's a toxic and abusive relationship that we choose to remain in- yes, we choose to stay with this terrible one. Why? We find comfort and security in him. Even though he treats us horribly, he still sticks around. And, it's not really that bad, right? I mean, losing a little weight isn't a horrible thing. It's not bad to work hard to achieve success in academic endeavors. We rationalize our "dear friend"and his horrible behavior. The serpent whispers seductively in our ear, "I won't hurt you. I only want what's best for you. Trust in me." But, it is time to fire back. It is time to tell that serpent who's boss. We need to stand up and be assertive and tell him, "Nope. Not gonna listen to you. Not gonna trust you." Will he like this? Probably not. But, that's where we can change our story and stop the lies.

In the story found in Genesis, Eve falls for the serpent's trap. She ate of the fruit and then she felt ashamed. Rather than getting up and confessing her sin, she stays trapped in her shame and guilt. She made clothing out of fig leaves to cover up all she had done. She saw that she had been lied to, but she didn't run away from her serpent friend. She rolled around in her shame and guilt and let it consume her. She decided that she would rather stay trapped in the "comfortable terrible" than face God and say goodbye to the serpent. We can learn a lot from this. True freedom means finding freedom from these chains that have bound us, all of these lies that we have believed. This means that we have to acknowledge that we had a thought (such as, "I am not pretty" or "I am broken" or "I am unlovable"), and then move on from that thought. Thoughts are not fact- lots of them are lies. We need to let go of these false thoughts. They're just holding us back.

Here's the thing: God loves you, no matter what you've done in the past. Our entire faith is based around the principle that we do not have to be enough, in fact we alone CANNOT EVER be enough. There's this not-so-tiny concept called grace. We celebrate the various liturgical seasons (Christmas, Lent, Easter) to remember all of what Christ has done for us. If we were "enough", if we had EVER been "enough", he wouldn't have had to come down to this crappy planet when he could have been partying it up with God in Heaven. But, he chose to die for us. While the serpent whispers in our ear, "You will never be enough", Christ tells us that it is okay for us to not be "good enough". In Romans, it says that ALL have fallen short of the glory of God. But, that is why Christ died for us! It's this wonderful thing that we need to celebrate! We do not have to be enough. We don't have to live up to unrealistically high standards. We are beautiful just the way we are, because we are made in the image of God and he loves us! We don't have to live in the embrace of the serpent any longer. You can choose to walk away from that abusive relationship and start a new journey on the path of freedom. Freedom from the lie of "not enough". Free from the lie of "if I just lose five more pounds." Free from the lie of "if I just make the grade, make the team". John 3:16-17 reveals this wonderful truth:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

We are free. We are free from these unrealistic, unattainable lies that have taunted us since the day that we came into this world. God didn't send his Son to condemn us. Jesus didn't come to Earth, see us in all of our brokenness and say "Ain't nobody got time for that!" and walk away. No.

He came to heal.

He came to restore.

He came to bridge the gap so that we could be forgiven and have eternal, everlasting life!

You are enough to him. Let that sink in for a moment. You. Are. Enough. For. Him. If you were the only one on this planet, he still would have chosen to come down here to save your soul. You don't have to lose five pounds to gain his acceptance. You don't have to pretend to have it all together for Him to gain his acceptance. You don't have to be the prettiest, smartest, or most outgoing to gain his acceptance. He loves you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become. All he requires is that we love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength...and that will be enough.

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

The other day, my husband and I were talking about bananas.

Yes, bananas.

He brought up banana nut bread that his mom used to make when they were growing up, I talked about chocolate chip banana bread that we made in treatment one time- and he was in awe that he'd never thought to combine banana bread and chocolate chips. So, when my former dietitian from that treatment center just happened to post the recipe on her Facebook page, I knew that we'd have to store up some bananas so that we could try this out and my husband could experience the gloriousness of chocolate chip banana muffins.

It took some time to store up the bananas. You see, we both rather like to eat this particular fruit- and so do our puppies. I like them before they ripen too much, he likes them super ripe, the puppies just like whatever we give them. So, having bananas stick around long enough to ripen enough to make banana bread isn't a common thing. But, we bought some extra bananas last time around, I told T that he wasn't allowed to eat two of them, and it all worked out- we had ripened brown bananas and we could make some muffins.

Since they are so so yummy, I thought that today I'd share the recipe on the blog. 

This recipe makes 12 muffins. 12 yummy delicious muffins.

You will need:

• 2 mashed bananas
• 4 T melted butter
• 2 T sour cream
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 t vanilla
• 3/4 cup flour
• 1/2 t baking soda
• 3/4 t baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips

These are literally the easiest thing ever to make- combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix them up. I just mashed my bananas up in the bowl as I mixed everything up- pregnancy can make a girl pretty lazy, you know. :)

The original recipe called for 1/4 cup of chocolate chips, but that just didn't seem like enough for me (Baby likes chocolate). So, I used 1/2 cup...and then poured some more in until Baby seemed happy (very scientific and precise, I know).

Once everything is mixed, spray or grease your muffin ban and bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes.

And then- EAT! As you can tell, I was a little enthusiastic to dig in, so a muffin is missing from the pan...oh well. Baby likes muffins, what can I say?

I'm currently over here trying to convince myself that I can eat these things for every single meal (hey- they have bananas in them, they have to be healthy, right?). I'm honestly not sure how much longer these will be sticking around between a hungry preggo (there's just something about these last few weeks of pregnancy- I'm hungry hangry all the time), a hungry Baby, and a husband that is a garbage disposal. As easy as these are to make though, I'm not complaining! :)

Chicken and Wild Rice Casserole with Bacon Wrapped Green Beans

For dinner tonight, we had a chicken and wild rice casserole with bacon wrapped green beans.

So, I'm my father's daughter. By that- I mean, I have a nasty habit of making really awesome food, but never being able to recreate it...because I didn't follow any one particular recipe or write down my changes...sorry hubs, I know that you loved dinner tonight, but we're never going to have it again. I mean, it's totally not my fault that I don't like following recipes and I prefer to figure out for myself how much to add, right?

Normally, this means we never have it again. I mean, I might try to recreate it, but it doesn't really work out. Tonight I made what T and I have decided is "the best dinner I've ever made". Seriously. It was that great. Now, the interesting thing is that I think I know how I made it. I think. As in, after I admitted to T that I had no idea exactly how I made something that tasted this heavenly, he told me to immediately go write down how I thought I made it and the amounts of various ingredients and stuff. So, obviously, I decided to write it down on my blog. :)

Warning: these recipes could possibly, totally suck. And that's okay. Sometimes things get made and are never made again. But, for my sake and yours, I hope these two recipes are a close recreation to the taste of heaven that T and I experienced tonight.

Chicken and Wild Rice Casserole
What You Need:

• 1 box of wild/long grain rice with seasonings (I used Uncle Ben's)
• 2 cups of chicken (shredded, precooked)
• 1 can of cream of chicken soup
• 1/4 cup of sour cream (this is a totally rough estimate- I took a spatula and scooped some out of the container and called it good)
• 1 and 1/4 cups of chicken broth (aka...I poured a cup and then put in a little bit more)
• A bit of italian seasoning, garlic powder, and black pepper (How much is a bit? I have no idea. I just picked up the seasonings and shook until I got a "happy feeling" in my tummy)

How to Make:

1. Preheat oven to 400.
2. Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl (chicken is cooked, rice is not). Stir. Stir again. And again.
3. Pour into a 9x13 pan.
4. Place in the oven for 45-50 minutes.
5. Enjoy!

Bacon Wrapped Green Beans

What You Need:

• Bacon (One strip per bundle)
• Green beans (3-4 per bundle- we used fresh and snapped off the ends, but you could probably use canned as well...it just might be a little messier, and I'd omit the oil since you wouldn't need the liquid)
• ~2 tbsp Olive Oil (I pour straight from the bottle, so I have no idea how much I really used)
• A bit of italian seasoning, garlic salt, and black pepper

How To Make:

1. Preheat oven to 400.
2. Wrap 3-4 green beans in each slice of bacon. Place each of these bundles in a baking dish.
3. Season the bundles with a little bit of Italian seasoning, garlic salt, and black pepper. 
4. Drizzle a little bit of olive oil over the bundles- EMPHASIS on LITTLE. Bacon grease will collect in the pan, but you need a little bit of oil so that you can roll the bundles in the seasonings.
5. Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake for 30 minutes.
6. After 35 minutes, remove foil and bake for an additional 15-20 minutes.
7. Bacon should be slightly crispy, and beans should be tender- at this point, remove them from the oven. 
8. Take the bundles out of the pan (it will probably have grease and stuff on the bottom- you want to go ahead and get this soaking in the sink, because it's a pain to clean up), and place on a plate with paper towels on it to remove some of the grease.
9. Enjoy!

Yay! I hope you enjoy this meal as much as we did! Let us know in the comments if you try it out, if you made any wonderful, magnificent changes to yours, or if it totally sucked. :) 

Chocolate Peanut Butter Overnight Oats

Remember those Chocolate-Peanut Butter-Oatmeal No Bake Cookies? You mix chocolate and peanut butter and oatmeal together on a stove, then you stick them on a pan to let them cool...yeah, those might be my favorite kind of cookie. When I set out on my first overnight oats adventure, I wasn't planning on recreating these cookies, but it just so happened to work out that way. Apparently, when you combine peanut butter and Nutella- amazing things JUST HAPPEN. I don't know how or why it always works out, but I don't believe I've ever had a peanut butter/Nutella combo that was bad. I just haven't.

So, I've been looking for some healthy breakfast options recently. Normally in the mornings, I'm quite lazy. I don't really want to spend the time fixing and cooking a bowl of oatmeal, or finding a bowl that is clean to pour milk and cereal in...so I've been ending up eating a lot of Poptarts. Now- don't get me wrong. I firmly believe that there is a time and a place for Poptarts in a healthy diet. Healthy diets require balance- and a little "unhealthy" food is sometimes what is the healthy choice. But, I'm beginning to realize that fueling my body with Poptarts every morning doesn't really keep me going- and I end up mindlessly snacking, forgetting to eat lunch because I'm not hungry, and then I realize "Oh crap. It's 4pm, my husband will be home soon. He's going to ask me what I ate for lunch and I still need to start getting dinner ready." I like the accountability system we have- him making sure that I'm no overexercising or undereating or whatever- and and I realize the importance of sticking to somewhat of a schedule for meal times. It's what's best for my body, and my hunger cues work much more appropriately when I eat at "normal" meal times.

So, as I began my search for healthy breakfast options, I remembered something I had stumbled across on the internet when I first began recovery- overnight oats. I was terribly afraid of them because- well, calories. And how would it fit into my meal plan and exchanges? But now that I'm free from the confines of my meal plan and don't have to stick strictly to the plan...I can see how overnight oats can make a really great breakfast. They're easy, yummy, and since I fix them up the night before (or several nights before), they don't take much time in the morning. I just have to grab the jar from the fridge, grab a spoon, and I'm ready to take on the world! I like to eat these cold, but I've also heard that you can microwave them.

So, have I convinced you that you need to try them yet? Today, I'll be sharing the recipe, just in case you too want in on the Overnight Oats Craze.

What You Will Need:

• 1/4 cup Oatmeal (I use a packet, because that's what I have in the pantry right now, but you could totally use the oatmeal that comes in a canister)
• 1/2 cup Soy Milk (or Almond Milk..you could probably use regular milk- but I like my vanilla soy milk, so I stick to that)
• 1/2 cup Vanilla Yogurt (Sometimes I use Greek, sometimes I use regular- it depends what I grab at the store. But, I always use vanilla flavored- I need the sweetness)
• A scoop of Peanut Butter (I'm a fan of crunchy, because I like finding the peanut pieces in my oatmeal, but that's just me)
• A BIG scoop of Nutella (Or two or three...I'm not sure that the limit of what is too much Nutella exists)

Here's how you make it:

1. Grab a jar/cup/bowl thing to make your oatmeal in. I use these little mason jar cups that I got from our registry and they work perfect.
2. Pour 1/4 cup of oatmeal into your container.
   
3. Pour 1/2 cup of milk and yogurt (yes, both) into the container- on top of the oatmeal. Sometimes it makes a weird bubbly sound. Don't worry about it- it's okay. Sometimes chemical reactiony things just happen- it's only happened to me with regular yogurt, not Greek. (Note: if Greek yogurt isn't particularly your favorite due to the tartness, I might put in a little less.)

   

   Honestly, I normally eyeball the yogurt. Ain't nobody got time for measuring it out.
   Progress, not perfection.

4. Glop on your peanut butter and Nutella. I like to say to use a scoop of peanut butter and a BIG scoop of Nutella- but I really like Nutella (as previously stated). My ratio of peanut butter to Nutella is normally 1:3 or something like that. At least 1:2. Just eyeball it, it's not really a specific thing- it just depends how sweet/salty you like it.
   
5. At this point, you are probably going to wonder what the heck you are preparing. It might look like oatmealy stuff with poop in it- no worries, it will get better. Add a lid and shake (that's why I use a mason jar- you could probably just stir it together in a bowl, but I've never really tried that). I normally put a paper towel on the outside of the jar, just in case stuff starts leaking out. Shake it for...a long time. I don't really know the specifics, but when it stops looking like poop in the jar, and starts looking like chocolate milk- you're probably ready for step 6.

   

   Before shaking and After shaking.
   Don't shake your baby like this, kids.

6. Now, you are going to stick your jar in the fridge and WAIT. This is like the hardest part for me. Nighttime rolls around, I want a snack, I decide to make my overnight oats for the morning...and I look at them longingly. But trust me- these things need to sit for awhile (I let them "sleep" overnight, but I think official recipes say something like 3-4 hours).
7. Wake up in the morning and enjoy your peanut buttery, Nutellay, oatmeal goodness! I like to not stir my oats and eat them kind of clumpily and thick, but you could stir them if you wanted, or you could even heat them up. But me? I like them cold. Enjoy!

Now, as I'm not particularly sure how healthy they are...I'm not sure on the specifics of calories and fat and protein and all that stuff. But I consider this a healthy meal. I mean, it has grains/carbs (oatmeal), protein (greek yogurt and peanut butter), dairy (greek yogurt and soy milk), healthy fats (peanut butter and Nutella)- I think it's a pretty well balanced meal. Sometimes, I eat some fruit if I'm still hungry (but that rarely happens, these are pretty dense and filling)- and I'll normally have another cup of soy milk with my oats (hey- I like my dairy!). All in all, these keep me full until "lunch time"- when I can eat my second meal of the day at a proper time, instead of snacking throughout. Plus, it makes me feel like I'm making a healthy, balanced choice for breakfast. 

If you are interested in seeing some more of my recipes, before I get them posted over here on the blog, feel free to follow me on my food instagram! I was a bit tired of overwhelming my personal instagram (@laurenpotthoff) with food pictures, but I'm really excited about this new adventure I've started- learning how to cook, learning how to make healthy choices. You can find my food pictures at @RealFoodForRealLife. That name is another story for another day, but for now, go make some yummy overnight oats and eat them! Your tummy will thank you!