- I should have known that freaking out about a 100 calorie granola bar wasn't "normal eating".
- I should have known that throwing up after I ate wasn't "normal eating".
- I should have recognized that something was up when I suddenly decided to go gluten free for a month.
There are so many more examples I could provide of instances over the years that I "should have" known that something was up. I mean, maybe I was really great at hiding my monsters from others- but I should have known myself, right? How could I have convinced myself for five years (at least...) that everything was okay...when I am the one that knows myself the very best? Maybe it was because my weight stayed in what is considered a generally "healthy" range, maybe it's because I'd "always" been a picky eater, maybe it's because I didn't want to admit that something was up. Maybe it's because I'd always had anxiety and had struggled with body image and self esteem issues since preschool. Maybe it's because we live in a society that has such a perverted way of thinking about food and weight. Disordered eating is even seen as, might I say...normal? Society jumps from fad diet to fad diet. Juicing. Cleanses. Constant battles with the scale and numbers on the inside of our clothing. It's kind of hard to see the line between dieting and disorder when the line is so blurred.
I remember one specific instance during college when the thought passed through my head that something wasn't right. It was right after my gluten-free "adventure. I was frustrated because I felt terrible and sick and tired all of the time, no matter what I ate. I had taken to eating every meal in my dorm room alone, because I was throwing up most of the time after eating- and that's just "embarrassing". I mean, someone might catch me elsewhere and think I had an "eating disorder" or something. I vaguely remember grabbing my laptop and consulting Dr. Google with my symptoms- I think it came up with either some deadly kind of colon cancer or an eating disorder. I chose to believe that I was most likely dying of terminal cancer, but that I might should do some research on this eating disorder thing. I took one of those self test things on the internet and it told me that I probably did have a problem with eating and that I should consult a professional. I thought about it for about five minutes and then put my laptop away, not to think of it again for several months. I didn't reach out for help, I didn't mention it to anyone, I didn't do anything...after all, I had a degree to complete, an internship to do that summer, and I didn't really believe that I had a problem.
This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and the theme is "3 Minutes to Save a Life". The goal is not only to raise awareness for this issue, but to also encourage people to complete a self screening online if they are thinking that they might have an issue with disordered eating or exercise. Eating disorders are potentially life-threatening illnesses and early detection of the signs and symptoms of disordered eating and eating disorders increases a person’s chance for successful recovery.
In addition to encouraging you to take the step to complete the "simple three minute screening"- I'd also like to encourage you to not let it stop there like I did. In reality, the screening is simple- it's confidential, nobody will ever know, and after it's all said and done- you have the choice to deny reality and not act on it. In reality, these three minutes aren't what saves lives- it's the hours and weeks and months and years that come after. It's the reaching out for help, admitting that you are powerless and that you need help. Sometimes I think back and I wonder if I had gone to our campus nurse during the Spring semester when I did the screening instead of waiting until the Fall semester when my life was completely falling apart- would things have turned out differently? Would I have been able to deal with my issues outpatient? Would we have been able to prevent the downhill spiral that happened? I don't know. Shoulding on myself, woulding on myself, and coulding on myself don't help me...I can only live in the present, living moment by moment, doing what I can right now to pursue a life of recovery. But, I can encourage others to reach out for help. I can use my story to possibly prevent someone else from going down the path that I did, and I might can convince someone to take the three minutes to save a life to start them on a journey to recovery.
Please remember,
You don't have to be underweight to seek help.
You don't have to be on your death bed to seek help.
You might not even be totally convinced that you have a problem, but you still can seek help.
You deserve to live a life of freedom.
Three minutes...Click here to get screened.
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